21 April 2010

Out of the wild.

The wilderness days are over!

A few weeks ago I went on a date with N. It was awkward, or rather I think it was me who made things awkward. I've never been good with the whole "dating thing". I tend to make actions based on whims without a care in the world. I think I need to be mindful of that.

Now the big question I asked myself was: "Do I like N?"

The answer? "Maybe."

"Do I love him?"

The answer? "Not counting on it."

But then again, I'm a ruthless cynic when it comes to my own love life. I don't like to get in over my head and make up silly fantasies about love. Love is love.

Love has been depicted in literature, art, film and music from generation to generation. There are billions of songs in the world that speak of love. But out of the billion love songs, how many talk about the real thing? You will be surprised by the results.

I feel like people look forward to an exaggerated, movie love story. The kind that makes your toes curl and your stomach somersault with intense emotion. And while sometimes people get that movie love story, love never develops the way we hope. It just happens. In a small, brief, blinking moment. A moment that sometimes can be forgotten.

I'm not looking for much. I don't have high standards. I don't expect a love story that sweeps me off the ground and lifts me up to the clouds.

The only thing I expect is for it to be real. Natural. Memorable.

I know I'll fall madly in love with Mr.Whoever, but I will not expect so much from him. It will be natural as the course of time is.

I'm not saying I'm not romantic. I'm very much so romantic as the next girl, but I want to be real with myself.

The worse thing I could do is fool myself into loving someone who isn't worthy of my heart.

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